Sunday, November 06, 2005


Oh Death

I've been feeling weepy and sensitive today as time rolls towards the anniversary of my fathers death.

The stain dripping down the fence is an imposition. There is a dullness in the Lamb Osso Buco at the Savory Restaurant-it would be wonderful any other time. I don't feel the progress of men hard at work moving dirt back and forth here at my home. The Chargers cannot defend against the pass that the young Jet's QB Bollinger throws. I don't care if they did it once last minute to win the game-still it is frustration! There my brothers utter apathy shows as they neglected to insult me during our last conversation. My work lays on my desks pleading to be completed and I look at it with angst-it needs to be done. My vette's starter went out on me and the tow costs me $60.00 and the embarrasment of a cool car being tow'd as if it were impounded. It happened in front of a Starbucks where they know who I am. My companions are clutter everywhere and a lone light shines on my dingy socks and its glaring against the backlight of this computers LED. All of this converging into the deep vulnerable spiral I know as the loss of my father.

I know this feeling's the 9th anniversary of my mother's death as well as her birthday this month. The signs are everywhere; halloween costumes being put away, fall colors on the leaves, and the cool air biting my skin in the early morning. The blue blue sky at noon and the dark cloudy evenings, as a portent of pain and heartache to come. It's as if a cone of silence falls over me, sent down from the heavens by Don Adams, who is at this very moment having a cup of celestial coffee with my mother. All the same it evokes a pensive and gloomy mood in me for no apparent reason other than to mark her passing. But with the passage of years comes a healing - my siblings and I can get together for family functions and have a surprisingly good time, full of laughter and reminiscing. Ah death, I have miles to go too.
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