Monday, February 20, 2006


Kooky Lady

My neighbor next door is a strange bird and so I have given her a new name hence she is now known as the Kooky Lady. She is about middle to late fifty with streaky white hair and a scowl for a face. She takes care of an invalid husband named Ram-mee. I’ve never met him and on occasion I’ve seen the Kooky lady take him for a drive. I try not to engage her in conversation because she’ll lock you in and talk and talk and talk and talk. You could be headed somewhere important like work or a date and she’ll continue talking. Finally I’ve made it a point to shut the door and leave in her mid-sentence.

One day, as I was leaving for work, she saw me and all she had was a tee shirt and she ran toward me and all the while tugging at her tee shirt downward. It was cold and I could see the goose pimples rippling with her cellulite among other things I didn't want to see. I could have driven off but there was such urgency in her voice so I stayed to listen. This experience talking to her became one of my regrets since all she wanted was to tell me to hold off on building the fence for two weeks.

Then there is Isaac a friend from the mid-west who was visiting so I gave him the front room to sleep in. This one very early morning the Kooky Lady rang and rang the door bell. She tapped and tapped the window with her keys which finally woke Isaac up! He wrapped a towel around himself and opened the door. She told Isaac that Ram-mee fell off the bed and is on the floor. Isaac told he’d be there in a minute and so he put on his trousers and a tee-shirt. When Isaac walked into her house the pungent smell of urine raked his nose. In the dark light of the house, there were papers strewn everywhere and the rank of food left in the sink almost made him vomit. When he got to their bedroom, Ram-mee was on the floor naked and with the worst body odor imaginable. He lifted Ram-mee upright so the Kooky lady could wipe him up. He began walking backward to their bed and his left foot slipped on something slippery and he fell backward onto the bed with Ram-mee on top of him. Ram-mee’s head grazed his chin and Isaac cringed at the feel of Ram-mees body against him and his wispy hair on his lips. He threw Ramm-mee off of him and adjusted him onto the bed. Isaac spent hours in the shower trying to wash the experience off of him. Even with all the washing, my son Quint smelled something bad at the breakfast table and Isaac had a guilty look about him.

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