Monday, June 19, 2006


find out what they want and then advise them to do it."

"I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it." ~ Harry S. Truman, U.S. President

He, President Truman has something here. Also, I believe is easier said than done! I didn’t take the time to visit my Father on this Father’s day. I felt it was better to spend real time to with my kid. Truth be told, I didn’t have much of a relationship with my father and spending time with my boy was a way to honor the memory of my own father and my unrequited wishes that he would be there for me. Today my child and I respected each other by not setting up obligations other than our dinner reservations with plenty of flexibility and lots of options.

It wasn’t always like this. I’ve done my share of teaching my child what I considered the right way to live and behave or so I thought. Yet, in my efforts to teach, what I accomplish effectively alienated him at the time because at times, my teachings were laced anger and frustration. Anger and frustration colored by my experiences and they were experiences that were out of context with his own experiences. It’s like my parents penchant for being cheap and their desire to raise me in that way-because they were products of the depression and the war where the goods were hard to come by. It surely didn’t make sense to me, a child of Post WW11 living in the richest nation in the world. It made sense to them however. I was confused as my son was confused with me. It wasn’t all about me either; sometimes the kid didn’t get it! He didn’t get it because he didn’t think in ideas or concepts but in concrete-black and white and all of this stirred by his ego centricity. I learned to trust that my modeling in real life situations somehow took hold of this young man. I also learned to accept being relegated to a cheer leader for this child and frankly, it has made a world of difference!

As for living in the moment, the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim fans were just great as was the game. Though the Padres lost the ballgame, the feelings of goodwill we had along with the weather and the spectacular coast line made the train ride home all the better. Dinner was fabulous and as we toasted “Fathers Day” I took time to reflect on this young man laden with testosterone. He was happy and I felt happy. This shared experience was a good one! This is one experience my kid and I will file in our good memories category. A category to fill to overflowing.

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