Sunday, October 29, 2006



Driving down Morena Boulevard, you have a mix of single story, flat roof buildings. The air is filled with vehicle exhaust fumes. Morena Boulevard was once old Pacific Hwy. In the early 60's it was even more industrialized. Running parallell is Hwy 5 the main freeway now. Along the way there’s Nico’s Taco shop, a Valero gas station, Toys R Us and a Lamps r Us-light store. These non descript businesses dot the landscape with their garish lights and odd motifs. Telephone lines also run parallel with the street as does the railroad tracks. Still in business, my father once bought a Chinese dining table and chairs at Genghis’ Khan Furniture store. Off Morena next to Genghis Khan is Buenos Avenue. I pulled off Buenos into an alley with its broken concrete jutting randomly. I bounced up and down before I settled onto the blacktop parking lot. My destination was there ahead of me-the music venue, Brick by Brick.

Standing on the corner waiting for me are three bachelors who have legitimate grievances with women. Two are aware of this and the other has no clue. When I walk up to meet them, there are three who are aware now. It’s ironic that the one with no clue is in the business of awareness-he is a News personality. Inside, we played pool drank beer and listened to music. It’s the kind of music you listen to using ear plugs. I love the name of the bands that play here-Nashville Pussy, This Fiend Kills and on this night-Dada. Mr. News personality claimed that, “DaDa is the best band you’ve never heard of.” Curious, I Googled DaDa:

“…A movement in art and literature, founded in Switzerland in the early twentieth century, which ridiculed contemporary culture and conventional art. The Dadaists shared an antimilitaristic and antiaesthetic attitude, generated in part by the horrors of World War I and in part by a rejection of accepted canons of morality and taste. The anarchic spirit of Dada can be seen in the works of Duchamp, Man Ray, Hoch, Miro, and Picasso. Many Dadaists later explored Surrealism…”

I wasn’t sure the band was congruent with this idea until I saw a “Fuck Bush” sticker on his guitar. All that to say I was close enough to see the stickers on his guitar when I leaned my belly against the stage. I chuckled when the lead guitarist walked off the stage to ice his elbow. It was clear to me that he had a repetitive motion injury from playing the guitar using three chords and moving his fingers up and down the frets to attain a musical dissonance.

Taking some time from the throbbing and pounding music, the smell of night air filled our lungs with exhaust. It was refreshing! My pool partner and I settled in on a discussion on how women objectify men. “It’s not our butts or the size of our dicks-it’s the expectation that we men can soothe their fears” my pal offered, “Remember Barbara and Billy? Barbara admitted to Billy that she married him because she needed to feel close. She used sex to feel close.” My buddy animatedly pointed his finger and chopped the night, “There not a chance in hell Billy could soothe this need and Barbara made him pay. She had an affair with some guy from Napa after a dream where Billy left their bed in the middle of sex to play pool with us.” I couldn't wait to wager my thoughts on this one, “Man, I can see why he’s pissed-numbnuts was trumped by a dream.” I continued, “Well if you think that’s fucked, here’s another example of women using their rosebuds. There’s this extraordinary woman, competent and powerful. Felicia unwittingly used the “damsel in dis-dress” gig to get Mac her next door neighbor to fix her home! She got her nice house. Mac got “blue balls” and a wife who was pissed off! To make matters worse, she made him pay by forgetting her health. She lost a leg and died with the complications of a diabetic. Mac continues to pay for it. He pays for it when he helped her convalesce and he continues to pay for it after she passed. The currency he pays with is guilt! Even worse, Mac is unaware he's been dumped on by two women. ” My pal shook his head and said, “That’s the shits, dumb fucker thought he was going to get some from Felicia and was fucked by wifey. I take it they did this naturally without awareness of their needs and regardless of the damage to him? With a wry smile I said, "Dude! Rhetorical question. Damn, women are emotional but they’re completely clueless on the subject of how they objectify men to meet their specific needs. In these cases, they expected their men to provide for their security.” We walked through the door and headed toward the bar to get us a couple of beers. We both reflected on the idea of women somewhere who would understand their dehumanization or objectification of men to meet their needs what ever their needs may be.

"Dude! Rhetorical question. Damn, women are emotional but they’re completely clueless on the subject of how they objectify men to meet their specific needs. In these cases, they expected their men to provide for their security.”

Clueless? No. Do you think it was women who invented money? Do you think it's women who work to continue stacking the cards against women in the workforce? Do you think it's women's purchases who make the porn and prostitution industries the money-makers that they are?

Um... just askin
Hi Nunya,

Evidently, I didn't make myself clear. In this context, "emotional security" women are unaware when they manipulate men to meet this need.

What do you think?
Sweetness, I think I finally figured out that the only way to feel like there is any kind of "emotional security" from men is to genuinely love them (my best friend) and never, ever, ever have sex with them (again, my best friend).
Hi Nunya,

What do you think about the concept of emotional security coming from within.

Clearly, men are have their own insecurity. Having to deal with others insecurity, man or woman is a huge thing to handle. The only exception to make in handling others insecurity here are kids as they are truly innocent.
Hmmm. True that. On the other hand, why is it that I have to tell him, 'it's ok, you don't have to fix it, just because I'm crying, just let me cry.' We don't want you to bend over backwards and go crazy just because we are crying, we just need a hug, and a shoulder and an ear, not a fix.
Let me clarify that: Men do not need to take on that responsibility, they do not have to fix everything for women. Generally women will come up with their own fixes. They may even come up with them faster if they feel like they are being listened to. So, it's true that high emotion clouds constructive thinking in men also, eh?
Getting to the truth of the pain is damn difficult. We men and women can't handle the truth so we construct elaborate defenses. So when a woman cries and a man doesn't rescue, he's an ass and when he rescues, he's patronizing. I remember Scarlett Ohara in Gone with the Wind pleading with Rhett and I paraphrase, "what am I going to do when the Yankees get here?" Rhett responded "It's not you I'm concerned about, its the Yankees!" He had caught on to Scarlett's wiles and finally told the truth about her competence.
Huh? I ain't Scarlett O'Hara and my best friend ain't Rhett Butler. Just friends trying to help each other get through this life. We don't rescue or patronize each other. Maybe I wasn't clear enough. I don't get my "emotional security" from him. We are friends because we are emotionally secure around each other. It took years. It's a tried and true friendship.
nunya: werent you the one that wrote you married a guy to pay the bills? that he hated to provide for you like you hated to cook for him? not pickin a fight here, just wondering

im totally down with the damned if you do and damned if you dont scenario in relationships. that why i live in the woods and my husband the city. 16 years in, we date and enjoy each other. but my life is mine and his is his. people think its weird but i am the happiest girly in my gang. mostly when its over its over...i can tolerate almost anything, laugh at it, not expect, cause i know i am going back to peace and quiet. back to my game plan, my style, my laziness if i want to. so its not so crucial to fight a turf war of needs.

as far as security? it doesnt exist. its an idea. anything could wipe it out. that's why you gotta live in the moment. past is done, tomorrow may not arrive so its now now now. its a cliche but its true.

btw: this is not a blgger comment (dAdA)
You are correct. I tried for years to survive without financial assistance from men. I failed miserably.

I was thinking more conceptually about women objectifying men. It's a different from the typical view of men objectifying women. I know the opposite broad generalized view to this blog is how easily men are manipulated.


How remarkable and novel arrangement you have!

You have a place where you can think before you engage. I think its great that it allows a person to think and get oneself under control before saying something. It allows reflection to identify if what is said helps or hurts. It allows rumination on background and past experiences. It minimizes the repair if something is said that you cannot take back. To step back before engaging with an upset is huge.

I agree with security being an idea. Still we strive for this illusion.
native: rent in highest car theft area
I still have a kid to provide for.
i understand nunya. i realize i have a certain liberty by virtue of having no responsibilities. its interesting because we are together for no other reason than we choose to-each is financially independent. we could chuck it at anytime and no innocents would pay....and we almost did but i moved to the country instead. and we survived. it could change at any time. i mean, somebody could shake her tail feathers at my love and the world could turn. thats what i mean by the now. but its a luxury of the few.

in retrospect, i wish i had had a child but its too late now. but its not a regret that torments -just i see i could have been okay...but at the time i was afraid to relinquish freedom.

its important to me that you know i wasnt criticising you - just noting a universal truth ( i think) both sexes objectify. i mean, i couldnt roll with the innane things my love says if her werent so damn good lookin. hahaha
uh, that was a if "he" wasnt so good lookin'
Can we have honesty and control in the context of maintaining and deepening a relationships that are emotionally stimulating? Relationships are certainly successful in stimulating the most primitive emotions among each other. However, if we attain awareness, we seek ways to make these awarenesses work for us-like separate residences among other things.
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