Monday, November 06, 2006



Each of us has a valid expectation to be recognized as individuals. Each of us in relationships have been injured by having the boundaries of individuality violated by the very people who should have respected and nurtured them. We have had similar experiences and feelings. This allows us to learn from each other. But pain, and the anger it generates, come from specific interactions he or she has had. I believe this is true for each of us.

The generalizations like "misogynist men" dismiss these unique experiences and the individual who has had them. We need some awareness of this. That seems especially true for women and it is true for men. I know I bristle whenever women recasts issues presented as a war between the sexes. I can tell women bristle when I point out how women objectify men.

The hostilities of men toward women and vice versa cannot be labeled. These are people, who make their own, very personal struggle through life. Terms we might use to wrestle toward understanding are only tools. We shouldn't mistake them for the person we are trying to understand.

Men and women are unique people who deserve to be seen as such. Relationships have been a powerful means for me to understand that, when I let it. I feel that when I present myself as an individual I feel particularly vulnerable. I can't hide behind some overarching "concept” in my mind or even as others try cloak you with it. I believe that stereotypes and generalizations can be and have been used to avoid by both sexes.

These days I don’t play its okay when it is not. How can you want a relationship if you don’t know the person? How can you want them to know your kids and even worse to have kids with them? Then blame them or others for your pain with generalizations? I know I’m guilty of this.

When we struggle with each other I feel sad and helpless. It makes me want to say something that will help ease everyone's pain, including mine. I know that's not realistic.

I personally want to be more self accepting and not cause collateral pain to others.

I want to feel at peace.

Me too.
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