Road Blogger

To the Pilots, Soldiers and Sailors –I Honor in their peaceful rest ...

"Taps"

Fading light dims the sight.
And a star gems the sky, gleaming bright.
From afar drawing nigh – falls the night.

Day is done, gone the sun,
From the lake, from the hills, from the sky.
All is well, safely rest, God is nigh.

Then good night, peaceful night,
Till the light of the dawn shineth bright.
God is near, do not fear – friend, good night.

Go to sleep, peaceful sleep,
May the soldier or sailor God keep.
On the land or the deep, safe is sleep.

Love, good night, must thou go,
When the day, and the night, need Thee so.
All is well, speedth all to their rest.

Fades the light, and afar goeth day,
And the stars shineth bright, fare Thee well.

Day has gone, night is on.
Thanks and praise, for all our days,
‘Neath the sun, ‘neath the stars, ‘neath the sky,
As we go, this we know, God is nigh.

“”it’s a mother’s job to mind our business while we are growing up. Cut her some slack if she is still learning to mind her own.”

In one sense I’ve become my mother’s protector and at the same time, I’ve detached more than ever from her influence. It was evident during the time I spent with my mother today as I helped her with a new cell phone for mother’s day. The day went well as there were no judgments but amazement about what she pays attention too.

My mother told me a funny story of her neighbor’s interaction with a dog: Marianne told my mom she sued the Porenta’s for eating a dog she was feeding and caring for. Evidently the dog was hardly fed and Marianne took pity and took care of it. Then one day the dog stopped coming over. Marianne asked during my mother and father’s walk if they want to ride in her Rolls Royce, they accepted and she told them about the people who ate the dog she fed. Marianne sued and won a judgment and money. “I don’t want the money I want my dog back!” she cried. "Did she think I was fattening the dog for them?" My mom didn’t know who it was until my fathers funeral service when Mrs. Porenta saw Marianne and told my mother later that she was "that mean woman who sued her". My mom just shook here head...

When I woke up Thursday night, Danny’s lovely wife was upset and I could hear their phone conversation that Danny was in a hornets nest. My head hurt with bruises and my hips were bruised as well. Also, my elbows were red with raspberries. Upon further inspection my wallet was missing and my new cell phone was missing. Earlier prior to me waking up, Danny did not make a good impression on my son as just before he finished introducing himself, reverse peristalsis kicked in and he hurled into the kitchen sink.

Sometimes you just want to get high! This was a day I decided to let go. I had tickets to the Padres-Brewers businessman special day game. For the time being I’m waiting for my bud Danny who was driving to my crib from Jamul about an hour away. Jesus had just mowed my lawn and upon inspection, I noticed he missed the mushrooms. However, the lawn, “man it still looks good.” I am really digging this new super bowl sod I’ve recently had installed. The sun was breaking through the mid morning haze and it felt right to bust open a bottle of the local micro brew known as Red Trolley. I put on Primo Aventuras a local Salsa Band and practiced my Salsa out in the front yard for my Asian neighbors to see. I told Danny when he arrived to be prepared because we were getting hammered.

The game was great! Padres won 8-4 and the Padres Pitcher Jake Peavey had 13 strikeouts. Between the two of us we matched or exceeded Peavey’s strike out ratio with spirits. Later at a garden bar on 6th and K we continued our sophomoric onslaught and got into a discussion with a couple of pretentious dudes on golf which escalated to an argument on who was better our guy Charlie or their guy Hank. Basically it was about whose “Dick” was bigger, better, faster! As we postured-one of them gave me phone and the person on the line asked who the fuck is Charlie Morton?” and I said, “who the fuck is Hank Wilson?” With that we wagered large amounts of dollars and dates for them to play before we were asked to leave by the bouncer dudes. I remember Danny a calling cab to drive us to where my car was parked! Though I don’t remember, I’m sure we tumbled several times before we felt this was best thing to do.

Typically when I have acted out, it was for escape or to medicate or to act out aggression. Maybe this experience was all of these. Or maybe I was in the tailwind of Danny’s marital stuff. Who knows? How do I feel about it now? Yes it was childish, yes it was dangerous, and yes it was living out there without thought to the consequences. No I don’t want to do it again at least not without preparing for the consequences, and finally, yes I did thoroughly enjoy it!!!

This was inspired by Douglas Goetsch Poem "What I do"

What Miles do

I washed the car the way he did,
bucket, brush, towels, wax and soap
early, before the sun, after a rain
spraying the chrome, hub caps, hood,
roof top, soaping up, rinsing off,
wiping down, applying wax revealing
shiny reflections.
Maybe he felt like them, or just pride for
owning a cool car.

Squatting low, leaning against
a fender looking for holidays.
What I did was help him look
by following his eyes along the
glossy curves and over the hood
towards an open screen door
where a man stood with his eyes
crossed like his arms.
The man saw my father smile.
He saw there was more to my
father that I couldn’t see when later
my father and I competed man to

man. I begin to get it when I react, when I
shave my patchy stubble on my
chin and upper lip. When we
were out on the town breathing
the night and sipping whiskey with a cube of ice
the way we like it. Gagging on cigars together
when man with eyes crossed, returns as
twenty-something’s shouting gook and chink.
I smiled his same smile and the same
The hell with you!
before they disappeared into the night.

I don’t know many who do well with love especially when one equates love with a deep feeling of connection. Why these feelings can be diabolically pathological!

There are many deep feeling/s of connection- for instance a deep connection to someone who’s abandoned you. What about the ones deeply connected to anger? What about deep connections to danger because one feels alive in the danger. Then there is a deep connection because of dependence. Often these deep connections are confused with love. I think this is where we’ve deluded ourselves. I think this is where the lack of honesty lies.

Can we reconcile love with any of these deep feelings? Isn’t the loving act something that cares for another’s soul, well being, and physical and emotional health? Damn these feelings are powerful for sure. I can look at my own behavior where I’ve acted in a loving way-yet what I’ve missed is the powerful chemistry. I struggle with my attraction/affliction for the beautiful woman with the “Stone Heart.”